'I HOSTED AN IMPROMPTU DATING CONFESSIONAL ON BOYS' NIGHT. HERE ARE THE 4 THINGS I LEARNT.'

Have you ever wanted to know what the guy you're dating is actually thinking? 

Well, buckle up, ladies, because I recently found myself hosting an impromptu dating confessional on boys' night – and after a few drinks, the men in attendance did not hold back.

To be clear, I'm not a regular at my boyfriend's boys' nights at the pub. But after leaving my keys at home, I was invited to join them and decided to use my journalism skills to find out what the men were thinking. 

After asking for their honest opinions on everything from their biggest dating 'icks' to how they treat women they don't see a future with vs the ones they do, I got some brutally honest responses.

But first, watch the Mamamia team reveal their relationship deal breakers. Post continues below.

It's important to note that these opinions represent only a few men in their early to mid-thirties and not the opinions of all straight men.

Here's what I'm sharing with all my single friends after attending boys' night.

Nice guys can be the most dangerous to date.

Let's start with the 'nice guy' in the group, who was sleeping with someone he is not interested in dating seriously. He was sure there was no future with the person he was dating but admitted that he was happy to continue sleeping with her. Although she verbalised that she was looking for a committed relationship, "she knows it's not serious because I never text her first."

We've all dated someone who's given us mixed signals – also known as breadcrumbing – until we eventually found out that they never intended to date us in the first place. This man rightly or wrongly justified continuing their 'relationship' (and subsequently leading her on) by convincing himself they were on the same page. Moving on from situations like this is often difficult because you can never pinpoint them doing anything wrong.

We all know how that scenario plays out. What he should have done was have an honest conversation about where his head was before continuing to sleep with her. That is by no means an easy conversation, but open communication allows people to decide what’s right for them before they get too attached.

Boundaries are sexy.

If you aren't calling him out on his bullsh*t, he will eventually lose respect for you. 

Every guy I spoke to had a story about a girl they ended things with because she accepted their bad behaviour and never stood up for herself. A few men said that once they realised the girl they were dating didn't have boundaries or standards, they would purposely test to see how much they could get away with – yes, you read that right. They would "test" them by only taking them out on low-effort dates or cancelling at the last minute to see their friends. When the person they were seeing never said anything about their behaviour, they lost respect for them and no longer saw them as their dream girl.

If you get mixed signals, it's probably time to move on. Self-respect is crucial in a healthy relationship but is also the key to a happy, peaceful life. If they like you, they will want to be around you more if you maintain your boundaries and don't take their BS.

Remember, you choose who you date, so don't settle for less than you deserve.

Listen to The Undone where Em Vernem breaks down the three types of people you'll definitely end up dating sooner than later. Post continues after audio.

Sex and friendships mean nothing (sorry!).

I was conversing with two of the men, who told me about the female friends they'd occasionally sleep with. They insisted that they were "definitely just friends".

As they elaborated on their situation(ships), it became clear that their female friends were interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. The men eventually admitted that they suspected this was the case but felt they weren't doing anything wrong because the girls "never brought it up". 

They didn't want to lead anyone on intentionally, so they rarely initiated hanging out and would often bring up dating in their conversations as a signal that they were both very much single people.

This scenario is a good reminder to always trust your intuition when dating. If you're unsure where you stand with someone, it might be time to pull back the communication and see what the relationship looks like when you're not in the driver's seat. You might discover that there is no relationship when you're not initiating it.

If he wanted to, he would. Period.

The 'if he wanted to, he would' theory was backed up by every man on the night. Some even said that when it came to the girls that they didn't see as "girlfriend material", they would put in the bare minimum until the girl eventually moved on (yes, there's a common theme here). 

If you have to question how they feel about you, there's a chance they might be waiting for you to take the hint – keep that in mind next time you're tempted to text that guy you haven't heard from in weeks. This is why it's important to respect your time and cut things off when your standards aren't being met. 

If you're worried that pulling back your energy might send the wrong message to your crush, don't be. If they consider you someone they would date seriously, they will make their intentions known, especially if they notice you pulling back. The nice guy I mentioned earlier had another girl in his life that he could not stop telling me about – he was genuinely smitten with this girl! He only spoke highly of her and continued to bring her up throughout the night. They had been on a date earlier that week, and he'd already asked to see her again over the weekend. However, the other girls he was talking to got the bare minimum at best.  

By the end of the night, there was one clear takeaway: keep your standards high, don't accept any BS, and if he wanted to, he would.

For more dating and relationships content, here are our top suggestions to read:

• 'I sent a guy I was dating a performance review after he ghosted me. I’ve regretted it ever since.'
• Why everyone suddenly wants a... *checks notes*...rat boyfriend.
• 'The man I'm dating isn't on social media. I think I know why.'

Feature Image: Getty.

2024-06-28T23:13:40Z dg43tfdfdgfd